Thinking of writing again

Ok so I have been horrible at updating and thinking. The mundane has really been dragging me down this last year and I have not had the energy/discipline/desire to write anything in quite a while. Call it writers block with a mix of mild depression and constant moving. Linds and I realized the other day that since marriage we have moved around once every six months and in this last year we moved 3 times officially and a road trip or two in between there. It was a blast but in the end it we mostly escapism.

So here I am in front of the computer again in an apartment that is starting to feel like home and in a mid Lent epiphany I realized that I want and need to start writing again. I am going to change the format a bit...I might even change the location but from here on out I am going to be writing alot more. Some insights, some poetry, some drek about what I had for breakfast...either way I am going to be here more often.

Hearing God and being a pastor

“Only when we have ourselves absorbed its (The Word’s) message can we confidently share it with others” -John Stott Between Two Worlds

In the past I thought I reflected the Word to others pretty well. Any and every lesson I learned was neatly packaged and marketed. God's Word was spoken well but rarely absorbed into my life. I was a mirror without a sense of itself and a sponge that never got wet. I can remember times sharing in college and as a youth pastor and in the middle of a sentence that annoying still small voice would whisper, “Do you really believe this?” Naturally I would ignore this voice and go on with my message.

Doctor’s often ignore their symptoms and believe they can’t be sick and I think that the same can be true of pastors. I am not sure if it was the pressure to perform and uphold my reputation. Maybe I am just not good at planning ahead but rarely did I allow my messages affect me first. Even during times of self reflection and personal study, when God would speak to me I would quickly divert it into an idea for a message. I am left wondering that in around 3+ years of ministry have I grown at all. Have I just not allowed God to touch me?

As of right now I am not in the ministry in an official capacity i.e. paid. I am seeing this as a time to do some much needed study. Not for a message or to even share my fascinating revelations with everyone I see. I want to be absorbed by God for God’s sake not for my rep or my paycheck. I am so guilty of using God to make me look good and that could quite possibly be the reason that I have not heard from God in longer than I care to admit. I now believe that some of this silence could be due to the fact that His most important lessons I have not kept quietly to myself.

Indianapolis

After alot of thinking and reading and mental debate Linds and I have decided on a graduate school. We looked everywhere from George Fox in Portland OR to Denver Seminary in CO and Azusa in southern California. We debated and numbercrunched and prayed our guts out and in the end we decided...on IWU. I know what you are thinking. Why in the world would you go crawling back to the university that you did your undergrad in? I had some nice sounding reasons prepared but when it comes down to it it was about the money. I can get a Ministerial Leadership/Non-profi managment degree for about a third less that any of those other places. For a person who is planning on working and managing nonprofit organizations that was an offer i couldn't refuse. So Linds and I are looking for jobs in Indy and hoping to start school this november. It was a little hard to give up my dreams of living in the Pacific Northwest but this is definatly the best decision for us and we are pumped to live near so many friends.

We also just finished a month long road trip that started in Charleston SC and wound its way through Chicago, Montana, Yellowstone, and Denver. It was a blast! A good chunck of the trip we journeyed with Nate and Jenny Richardson. It was good to be with friends again.

I am planning on posting my reflections on this trip here soon. Wish us luck on the job search and see pics on Facebook

Justin and Lindsay

Discipline

Discipline always out of reach
It must be how they preach
How can I love more than me?
Enough to take the tree

Coldness of soul, desires heat
Content to hide behind veil and sheet
Tries to dig a little deeper
Sadly prefers the grace that comes cheaper

Reinventing Divinity

Jesus was too secular
So the saying goes
Such a thought spectacular
The right side says it knows

"Make Jesus sacred more and more
Wine meant grapejuice you see
Loving Him should be a chore
Cause He came to set you free"

Settling in Greenville

Sorry it has been so long since my last update. I can't think of any really good excuses so I will just use the standard, "We are busy." Things in Greenville are good. The weather is great but the locals think it is cold (what kind of wimps think that 60 is cold...Southern Softies).

Linds got a job at a local Starbucks (and surprisingly does not like it) I am working at the local Rib joint/blues bar Sticky Fingers(and surprisingly am loving it). No real word on Grad Schools yet. We are beginning a season of prayer for this...please keep praying for us.

Personally, I have really been wrestling with God and what it means to be called by Him. Nothing new there. Linds and I both just want to follow Jesus.

Keep Praying,

Love you all,

J + L